Panty Liners

I would like to put in a complaint about panty liners. I am not talking about the once a

month feminine hygiene kind of deal, but the ones they try to make you buy for the

other three weeks of the month. The “keeps you fresh and alert but not alarmed” kind of


The ones that have built in obsolescence written all over them.

This discussion came up after watching an ad for black G-string panty liners. I had to

admit that I didn’t really understand what they were for. I mean I get that the point is to

protect your underwear, and I get what you are protecting them from (The blue ink

right?) but I don’t understand what you are protecting them for.

OK, the whole reason for underwear is to protect your clothes from… well from yourself,

right? So you might get a few wears out of your jeans before they can stand up by

themselves and walk to the laundry. But what is the point of protecting the protectors?

So you can get a few wears out of your knickers? Heaven help us! I mean you would have

to say a G string would be severely compromised the minute you put it on regardless of

the additional layers of sphagnum moss.

And while we are on to G strings, if you think about it (and I would rather not!) there is

just no room for a panty liner, there is nowhere for it to go but up. The things (or thongs)

are so damn uncomfortable at the best of times that at the end of a day wearing one you

feel like you have been dinkied around on the bar of a bike (legs akimbo, not side


And black? I guess the idea is so the liner doesn’t show, but if you are weraing a g-string

as a regular sort of item you are obviously not that fussed about what shows and what

doesn’t! And what did women do before the advent of this new g string liner, make do

with a full sized one? All I can think is that if you turned your full sized one sideways it

would stop the g-string from riding up in quite such a painful manner.

Actually I have just had an idea. Instead of the panty liner usurping (If I can use that

word) the job of the panties themselves why don’t they just attach a couple of pieces of

elastic to the liner itself, then you could wear them instead of knickers and cut out the

middle man entirely, so to speak.

Disposable padded panties do you think I am on to something?


About Mikaela

I am an artist and writer living in the Perth Hills
This entry was posted in Comedy, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Panty Liners

  1. Marie says:

    That is hilarious! Soo true in every way. I wonder when they will invent a male panty liner to catch the bottom burps that seem to eminate from the male behind.

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